You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
