SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize