i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
