I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
