and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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