My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
