im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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