doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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