Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
