Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
