I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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