I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
