So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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