Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
