We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
