i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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