i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
