he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
