Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
