okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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