No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's paper in my vomit.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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