Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
