Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
