I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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