I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
