I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
