she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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