I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
