Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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