How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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