If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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