When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
