she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
