just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
