He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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