just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
