I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
third nipple confirmed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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