Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
