dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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