i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
