oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize