So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
