Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
