ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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