Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A+ Viking dick
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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