Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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