Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
