you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
