so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
