We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
