Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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