don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize