Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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