i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
