I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
