drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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