We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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