i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im holly from the hills drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize