I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
