sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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