I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
