Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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