I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
