just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
