So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
