That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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