i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
