I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
