I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it because I queefed?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wear drunk well.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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