Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
