Don't you send me to vm
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
