why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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