Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
