Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
