Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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