why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They have beer where we have blood.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
