I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
