I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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