Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm like, not good at living.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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