my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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