Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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