i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
nutella sex= disaster
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
