So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
