Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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