I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She even gives head with a lisp.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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