Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
