It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
