Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
