So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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