I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
