You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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