I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
