I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
try to milk me bitch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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