Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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