On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
