Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
