my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
