fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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