At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
