you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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