Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
