I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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