I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
