He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
