wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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