my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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