somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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