he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize