How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
