Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
